'Nice options like this don't come often': Family tension rises as 45-year-old man considers relocating his family from LA to Seattle for rare career opportunity and "better life", but his wife refuses to move away from her aging parents living nearby

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 11, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Marriage is about compromise, but compromise isn't possible without clear communication. So, either we're not getting the full story here, or this couple can't find common ground when it comes to the idea of moving across the country. According to the husband, he's been offered a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity in Seattle that he feels he can't turn down, and in retrospect, shouldn't have to. After all, it promises a better quality of life for his entire family. His wife, however, isn't quite on the same page.

She loves their life in Los Angeles and feels that no job opportunity is worth being far from her family, especially her elderly parents, who live just a door away and need her nearby. If they move to Seattle, how can she possibly be there for them at a moment's notice? This is the heart of their back-and-forth. What one person sees as "a great new adventure," the other views as "an impulsive, damaging decision." (You can probably guess who's who.) It seems they're further away from common ground than ever…and if he's not careful, that's exactly where he'll be sleeping if he keeps bringing up the move! 

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  • Surely, the fact that he lives far away from his parents could support his argument. It just seems like whatever he says, his wife will not budge, which isn’t exactly unexpected. They have children who’ve built lives in Los Angeles, too…Yet, maybe it's time that the family sacrifices something for the dad who helped build those lives for them?

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    Man excitedly looking at his computer
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Offered an amazing promotion, wife says I can't take it because she doesn't want to move away from her aging parents, AITAH?

    Currently based in LA. The company that I work for is based in Boston but they have offered an amazing opportunity for me in
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    Seattle. To be honest, I'm done with LA (for many reasons that are fairly obvious) and want to move where I can make more
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    money, the cost of living is cheaper (somewhat), and have an quicker path to retirement as I'm 45 and my wife is 48. The school
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    options are better for our child. My wife works remotely. My wife's parent's are old and not in amazing health. My wife is one
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    hour from them as it is. My sister in law is 20 minutes away from them. I explained that flying to LA from Seattle is about 3 hours, so
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    if something bad happens, we can get there reasonably. She was not having it at all. Keep in mind that I work in a volatile industry
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    and nice options like this don't come often, but she did not care and called me selfish for considering the move.
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    Keep in mind that my parents are also old, and live in Illinois. So I'm not exactly close to them either. AITAH for putting our family first over her parents? I'm so conflicted.
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    Adult woman with her senior parents
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Appropriate-Roof426 Just taking from a close friend who was in the same situation and did not go - you need to be VERY clear about what you're asking, how it will make you feel with both decisions, and especially any resentment you'll carry and how you'll get passed that.
    via Appropriate-Roof426
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    He didn't have that talk. Resented his wife for years. They're still married, but they hate each other. Don't be them. Too much talking too little talking
    via Appropriate-Roof426
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    mercy_fulfate nah. You can have different points of view without anyone being wrong.
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    HereWeGo_Steelers I'm pretty sure there's more to this than you're saying. Your wife probably has a social circle she doesn't want to leave. What about your kids? Are they also in LA?
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    44KatCat We are talking a lot about the aging parents (which is fair) but what about the kids. Better schooling options is a thing, yes, but uprooting them is another and not one we should neglect. Have they been asked about this? In any case, you need to TALK with your wife. Like... A lot. In details. This is not a spontaneous decision to make.
    via 44KatCat
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    tdasnowman To be honest, I'm done with LA (for many reasons that are fairly obvious) Does your wife agree with what you think are reasons that are fairly obvious? This really sounds like you think your opinion is the only one that matters and you didn't approach this as a discussion.
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    newkidinhali NAH. You both have valid concerns for moving or not moving. Maybe a middle ground could be (not knowing your relationship with your in-laws) to move them with you or help them find somewhere close to you. If this promotion is gonna make you more money, why not use some of it to help the situation?
    via newkidinhali
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    strangedistantplanet Just a heads up, Seattle is just as expensive as LA. Food and sales tax costs more. Gas costs the same. The big savings is because of the lack of income tax and cheaper power. Everything else is just as expensive, or more so.
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    CompanyOther2608 Have you ever lived in Seattle? Has your wife? It's a lovely place in many respects, but it's wildly different from LA.
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    superpony123 Work is just that - work. I would only move for a job if it gave me better overall living and that includes proximity to family.
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    The_best_stale_bread At the same time, you are asking your family to uproot their lives for your career advancement. That is a big ask.
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  • 22
    Due_Solid 1992 You both seem right in this. You know her. Is this truly a big deal to her? If family has always been this important to her, then she isn't acting any different than when you married and started a family with her. And at the same time, you are wanting to further your career and financial profile.
    via Due_Solid
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    Can you two go to a mediator, like a family counselor, to discuss it with a neutral party who can help you both listen to each other's sides and come to a compromise? This is a pretty big deal.
    via Due_Solid

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long distance job offer promotion seattle compromise across-state income los angeles wife relationships husband caring love family moving moving away parents
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